Our minds can be our own worst enemy, constantly warnings about ourselves and our shortcomings.
Self-Defeating thoughts can sound like:
😣 I’m not good enough.
😣 I always fail.
😣 I can’t do anything right.
😣 I’m not cut out for this.
😣 I should just give up while I’m ahead.
Does this sound familiar? So how can we overcome these thoughts and reduce their control over our lives?
⭐️ Notice the thought and the context where it shows up.
Your best defense is knowing the enemy. Gain familiarity with what the thought looks like, what’s the exact content telling you, and where/when the thoughts show up in your life. Gaining this familiarity helps you 1. understand the thought better so you can reduce its impact, and 2. allows yourself some distance from the thought to look at it objectively.
⭐️ Examine the evidence from an authentic lens.
Alright thought, 👏🏽 Show 👏🏽 Me 👏🏽 The 👏🏽 Receipts!!! When we’re already down, it’s tough to look at a situation how it really is, and not just how our mind is telling us. Take some time and look at the thought more flexibly. Is this thought really true? Am I always this way, or just in certain contexts? Is the thought helpful? Does it serve a positive purpose? If you think of it like a warning, what is that warning telling you?
⭐️ Zoom out from the situation.
To gain more authentic perspective, it helps to really zoom out and look at the situation as an outsider. What would someone outside the situation really think? Would they agree 100% with the self-defeating thought? If you were to observe yourself (like Truman Show style but you’re Truman in this example!) what would you think of this situation? Would you draw the same self-defeating conclusion?
⭐️ Reframe your thinking.
Ok, so by now we have a lot of really good observations and examinations on this thought. Now let’s work on integrating that into the situation. If there is some evidence against the thought or contexts in which it’s untrue, let’s make a new thought to reflect that. Again, balanced thinking from an authentic lens is really what is that core of defeating a self-defeating thoughts! For example, a reframe could sound something like, “Sometimes I do fail, but it’s usually when I’m unsupported or unsure of myself.” By reframing, you reduce the impact of the thought, and it allows for you to make decisions coming from a more authentic perspective.
⭐️ Enlist the support of others outside of the situation.
When you’re in the thick of it, viewing your situation authentically can be super hard! In these moments, it can be helpful to find a friend or a coach that can view your situation objectively and compassionately, ask the right questions, and guide you to a different perspective.
As always, feel free to reach out if you’re interested in learning more and working with me on this issue. Self-defeating thoughts can be defeated with time, patience, and practice. Hope this article helps you get started today!
